My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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