I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Please don't give away my fajitas
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
