I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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