I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
