I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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