so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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