The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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