I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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