I can tuck mytits in my pants
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
