you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
