one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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