man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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