my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
