Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
