He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
