There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
