dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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