like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just high enough for therapy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
