My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
