next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
