Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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