I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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