Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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