I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
