I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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