Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you win again, gameday.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
