I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
