It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
