it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
