absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
