Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
