I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
