Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
