My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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