So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
