yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
