I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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