What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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