She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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