I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
