I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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