I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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