I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
