If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
zippers are such a cool invention
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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