youre lurking in front of me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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