The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Where are you guys?
Drunk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
