I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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