It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
