hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
