I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
