I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Rumble strips road head = magical
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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