my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this just has baby written all over it
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
