Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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