Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
