Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
