i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
