My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
