We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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