I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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