all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
