Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
