I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
please come you make the beer taste better
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
