she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize