Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
