Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just threw up on my dentist
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
