So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think i have two assholes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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