I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
