i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
