remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BRING THE BAGELS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
