I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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