Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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