if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
