Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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