So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
